Actually no, you don't get to dislike children

You are the problem.

Photo by Karl Fredrickson on Unsplash

Imagine discriminating against an enormously diverse group of people, based solely on their physicality. Or mental ability. Or age. For most of us, such sweeping, unfairly critical judgements are reprehensible.

So why is it socially acceptable to say you don’t like kids?

To be clear, I’m not talking about not wanting kids. That’s fine. Deciding to have children is about far more than whether or not you like them. No, I’m talking about people who actively dislike children, for the very reason that they are…children.

Honestly? I don’t think it’s any better than misogyny. Or racism. It’s just more widely tolerated, because kids are visibly inconvenient, noisy, messy, snotty — and this somehow gives us license to say “ewww” about literal human beings. More than that, uniquely vulnerable human beings, who are relying on adults like us to show them the way.

There are two sides to this coin. On one side are the parents who only speak ill of their child/parenting — whether they really feel this way, or whether it’s a habit, the net outcome is the same¹. Then there are those without children who treat them with a kind of disgust.

A few months ago, a friend (who is the parent of a toddler) confessed she feels like several of her childfree friends dislike her kid. For the record, he’s a smiley, intelligent delight — but a quick scroll of an r/childfree Reddit thread produces shocking confirmation of this attitude:

I hate children and actively go out of my way to get away from them. Msotky because they are disgusting (I don't want to think about where their hands have been) and incredibly irritating.

I find them disgusting. Their sounds are like forks scratching plates to my ear. I am phisically uncomfortable in the presence of a baby/toddler, especially if they make noise.

I absolutely despise kids. They repulse me.

I can’t stand being around them. It makes me feel like I need to be sterilized. Just shower me in rubbing alcohol, please.

And perhaps most disturbingly:

Babies - especially newborns - remind me of mealworms the way they're always squirming. Don't even get me started on the noise and smell!

Of course, there were a bunch of middle-ground comments too, alluding to troubled childhoods, dislike of parenting styles, and boredom with kid conversations. But the one thing they all have in common? Extreme selfishness.

The thing is, we were all children once — literally no one can escape childhood. And for the duration of your maturation, people tolerated you being annoying, sticky, loud, boring etc. etc. They may not have always done so kindly or perfectly — but, serious abuse cases aside, if they kept you alive and educated you, they put up with your shit (literal and figurative) so you could be the adult you are today.

This does not mean you are obligated to bear children and do the same, but if you cannot view any child with compassion and understanding (unless they behave like perfect little robots who wash their hands 17 times a day), you are the problem.

If you cannot converse with someone who knows less than you, or has different interests or attention span to you without extreme irritation and disdain, you are the problem.

And if you insist on lumping children together as if they were some generic alien species, brought to earth to make your life a misery, you are overlooking their humanity. Their uniqueness. Their right to personhood.

You do not have to be some earth mother or doting dad. But if you can’t treat children like people, with the respect people deserve…you are the problem.

1. Please note I do not deny everyone is entitled to a good whinge sometimes (especially parents!) — read the linked post for further context.